Old News Archive #2847

Good evening, and thanks for tuning in to Franden Radio One. I'm Heinrich Schmidt, filling in for Max Lemmer, who is recovering from radiation burns.

For our top story tonight, we bring you a tale of victory and justice. Ever since the nuclear attacks, the public has been seeking closure for their deceased loved ones. Now, some of those responsible for our suffering has been brought to justice.

The war criminals who developed the weapons of mass destruction that devastated our planet will be tried publicly next Wednesday. At a press conference earlier this afternoon, General Guderian is asking all citizens to support the post-war tribunal set up by the Guderian Forces.

General Guderian (SOUNDBYTE): "I would like to congratulate our militiamen for locating these war criminals, who are nothing more than terrorists in scientist's robes! As your interim leader, I will not rest until every last of these scumbags have their heads rolling from the guillotine! Please have faith in my leadership. The justice accorded will be swift, fair and impartial! In addition, I'd like to remind the good people of this city to be ever vigilant of other war criminals in our midst. We must never let a single one escape the trials of justice!"

The public is invited to attend the trial at the remaining town square here in Franden. Stones and other sharp items will be provided to be thrown at the accused.

In other news, residents are organizing an evacuation from the Niah region due to signs of increased volcanic activity...