LEGENDARY COMMANDER CONFESSES AFTER LONG SILENCE
by Clare Holington, The Agurts Times
May 5
There has been a breakthrough development in the military stockpile theft debacle which has shaken the nation. Bob, the commander of the Bucks Team and also a Member of Parliament, claimed full responsibility for the incident yesterday and submitted his resignation.
Last month, the army received an anonymous tip that someone had been misappropriating its arsenal for a number of years by abusing his authority and exploiting procedural loopholes. Sources indicate that the alleged perpetrator frequently wrote off brand new weapons as “malfunctioning” and had them transported in secret. The missing stockpiles, which included rifles, ammunition, latest model SAs and even weapons of mass destruction, are estimated to be at least A$ 5 billion in value.
Bob’s identity is as mysterious as the Bucks Team he leads. It is rumored that he once thwarted an Omangan invasion while stationed at Zamaii as a Special Forces operative. He was hailed as the savior of Zamaii for his actions and became a national hero. Bob has close ties with former President Aldaman and was appointed as a Member of Parliament by him five years ago. However, as the identities of the members of the Bucks Team must be kept confidential, the government granted him an exemption and permitted Dr. William to attend parliamentary meetings on his behalf. Consequently, his identity remains a secret to this very day. From his service history, the writer deduces that he is close to retirement age.
In a statement issued through Dr. William yesterday, Bob claimed sole responsibility for the missing arsenal and emphasized that the Bucks Team was not involved. He declined to disclose the whereabouts of the missing military assets and sharply denied that he profited from selling them to foreign states. He decided to resign from his post, effective immediately, for his misconduct. Members of the Reformist Party had called for his removal from parliament earlier on the same day.
Senator Broz said that the government should not accept the resignation of a Member of Parliament who has committed treason, and that he should be dismissed and called for further investigation. Meanwhile, House Speaker Lapenna stated that he will convene with President Ribar shortly to formulate a strategic response, pledging to proceed with utmost fairness. The government spokesperson stressed that everything possible is being done to address the situation, but was unable to divulge details regarding the progress of the investigation as state secrets are involved.
The scandal has already sparked widespread discussion, with Bob’s statement angering and disappointing many of his supporters.
“I don’t want to believe it’s true. Both my husband and I cried," said Mrs. Braun, one of Bob’s supporters. "We’ve always thought he was a national hero and often use his stories to encourage our son. He’s currently serving in the army on a voluntary basis. Bob’s a huge disappointment. My husband’s furious. He has already thrown away all the Bucks Team memorabilia that he’s collected over the years.”
“If he didn’t sell the firearms to other states, what did he do with them? They’re worth A$ 5 billion! Who can resist that kind of money?” commented Oliver, a baker who believes that Bob should recompense for the nation’s losses.
“They’re all idiots,” taxi driver, Sam, expressed. “Aldaman just passed away not long ago. This is obviously a political ploy. Those dingbats should be ashamed of themselves. All they do is talk while the Bucks Team is putting their lives on the line to protect our country.”
Tony, an agricultural equipment repairman, said, “Power is a double-edged sword. ‘War hero’ is just a nice way of saying ‘militant’. These men just can’t survive without war, right? It’s only logical that they become arms smugglers. Such dangerous people should be locked up.”
